Jan. 31st, 2014

jnp: (T-T)
It doesn't really count as hooky if I'm legitimately sick, though.

I came down with some weird cough thing that left me wiped out but not debilitated and stayed home Wednesday and today. I was concerned I was getting flu symptoms (which are wholly unacceptable, given the flu shot I went out of my way to take on my birthday) given how ache-y I felt, but I'm pretty confident it's not that. It's just some other random sickness I either picked up from the walking germ-farms at work. Or at Starbucks. Or at the pizza place I went to with my co-workers on Tuesday. Fuck all you sick people, man. I always forget how wonderful it is to not feel like utter shit. At the same time, I rarely get sick as it is. I had one unused sick day last year, gone forever. Oh well. Going to work is hardly a chore, which factored in my decision to not go today - nowadays I rarely wake up thinking "NooooOOOOOO why do I have to work today," so as soon as I did that this AM I decided "Welp guess that's not happening." After a few more hours lazing about I feel much better, although I'm still coughing and only seem to be good for short bursts of activity.

I did make it out to the Premiere Party for our show. Honestly, I almost didn't go, because of the whole still-recovering-from-sickness thing and because I just did not feel like being social. I'm pretty happy with being an introvert and not feeling shitty about it; this is a new thing for me. I stayed long enough for the speeches, was seen by enough people (from a networking standpoint this is generally a good thing), and had a legitimate excuse for leaving (sick, wiped out, tired, etc.).

Wrt the networking thing, when I have those internal "arguments" with myself ("You should go," "BLEH I DON'T WANNA"), if it's a work-related function I usually try to fall on the former's side. I'm not as familiar with the faces at work anymore given that so many have left and I haven't been working in the company building with the most traffic for quite a few years now. So I look at it as an opportunity to figure out who the new people are and, more importantly, make sure the folks I do recognize see me. Of course, there are some days where it's more bullshit than I want to deal with. Although that generally isn't a huge problem in this industry for me.

I thought about bitching about Tumblr and Facebook "activism" for awhile, but I already did that with The Sheepman this morning, so maybe I'll save that for another time. Right now I'm looking forward to reading a little and maybe watching a horror movie. Oh, shit. Guess that means I should update my Master Crap List. Or start it for 2014. BAH, WHATEVER.
jnp: (>:C)
Happy Lunar New Year to all who celebrate it! Call up those folks who will forever be disappointed in your choices as a human being and take every opportunity to shame you for your happiness and not being Asian enough! You know, because Asians are all about supporting family, just usually only in one direction.

I think this is mostly me reacting to the bullshit I keep seeing on Tumblr about how fucking great and non-sexist China is and how Asian culture is so family-oriented and I kinda just want to say Go back to reading your Amy Tan bullshit, white people. Except it's not just white people, because I see it from fucking Asians, too, usually western-born. The problem is Chinese culture as I have experienced and witnessed it is not about "family," it's about constantly paying back your parents and "ancestors" for the BEAUTIFUL GIFT OF LIFE THEY GAVE YOU, with an almost obsessive disregard for the fact that you as an individual might actually have, gasp! Your own individual wants and needs.

I can't go a month without my mother basically asking when I am going to "grow up" and leave The Sheepman, who I have been involved with for nearly a decade. My grandmother is constantly trying to introduce me and anyone else of marrying age in the family to another fucking Chinese person, meaning the son/daughter of some other Chinese person she barely knows and only maintains a relationship with because they, too, have offspring of marrying age. I had the Chinese father of a friend of a facebook friend proposition me ON MY FRIEND'S PAGE in the hopes of introducing his "rich doctor son" to me as soon as he found out I was a Chinese-American 20-something female, and then had to endure some of the rudest comments I have ever received about how "you young Chinese women keep getting involved in relationships where no one will want to marry you" and how I need to basically grow up before I die unmarried and alone. FUCK YOU.

And don't give me this bullshit about it just being "part of the culture" and how I just need to "understand where they're coming from." NEWS FLASH, FUCKHEADS: UNDERSTANDING WHERE SOMEONE COMES FROM IS NOT A ONE-WAY FUCKING STREET. I made a concerted effort to understand where my family was coming from and give them the benefit of the doubt for the majority of my life, and what did that get me? Two fucking breakdowns in the span of a week where even CASUAL CONVERSATION WITH THEM is too much for me to handle now, because the system I put in place to understand and identify with them had completely shattered from the stress of maintaining it.

So don't give me this bullshit about how "I know it's hard, but your family does this out of love for you!" because I bought into that garbage for my entire life and it has taken a long time for me to realize that that is NOT AN ACCEPTABLE WAY TO LOVE SOMEBODY. I don't care what your Asian-American Studies 101 class or your single year teaching ONE CLASS OF PRE-TEENS in China or how much you LOOOOOOOVED Avatar: The Last Airbender taught you about Asian culture. You try buying a plane ticket to see your Grandmother after she begged you to come visit her since it had been ten years, only to have her completely dismiss your existence upon every subsequent interaction until the night of the party came and she introduced you to her friend's unmarried son.

I know this is the shit that makes for a great indie comedy someday, but right now, this is my fucking life and I am fucking sick of people who have no fucking place offering their myopic opinion on my culture like they are some great authority on the inner workings of it when they haven't been burdened with that bullshit firsthand for their entire lives.

So, yeah. Happy fucking Lunar New Year, everyone.

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